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Sex and Unknown Status

Sex with a partner of unknown status

As you go through your social and sexual life, you will likely enter into intimate relationships with men who are HIV negative or those whose status you are unsure of. While it is important to disclose your HIV status to partners who you may have unprotected sex with, at times this may not happen. This may be due to where and how you and your sexual partner meet, how long you’ve been in a relationship with them, or how safe you feel in the situation.

Whether casual or longer term, disclosure and condom use is important. If you’re intent on not using condoms consistently, you must consider the consequences and potential harm caused by this choice. Before examining some ways that might reduce risk, it is important to understand some facts about how people have gotten HIV. Here are some suggestions for reducing (but in no way eliminating) risk:  

  • Avoid putting your penis into your partners asshole or vagina. If for some reason you choose to have unprotected anal or vaginal sex, pull out of your partner before cumming.
  • Before anal sex, service your sex partner by rimming his asshole, making sure his asshole is open and ready for penetration
  • Use a large amount of lubricant during sex to avoid major friction and tearing during sex

Oral sex is low risk sex for HIV but you can get other STIs from oral sex, giving or receiving. It is difficult to get HIV from performing oral sex on someone even if they have HIV. Yet there is a small number of people have become infected with HIV through oral sex. The safest form of oral sex keeps the head of the penis out of mouth. Just use you imagination and your hands; he’ll still have a good time.

If the head of penis does go into the mouth then avoid deep throating; the back of the throat is more receptive to HIV. Having an infection in your mouth like gum disease or an STI in your throat will increase your chances of infection. Make sure you have a healthy mouth and don’t brush or floss before sex.

Condoms and HIV status disclosure are the most effective tools for reducing HIV, but it is not fail-safe. In a recent U.S. Young Men’s Survey of MSM, 77% of all the surveyed and 91% of the Black men who had HIV did not know they had it. Shockingly, 60% of the men who did not know they were positive believed that they were at low risk of having HIV.


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